I'm About to Leave Home

Today, in twenty minutes, I'll leave home to go to California to cerebrate my cousin's marriage. I come back on Sunday afternoon; so I guess, I can't write the post tomorrow, but if I find the Internet connection, I'll write about that. So, see you tomorrow or on Sunday!

To Do a Small, Good Thing

Usually I don't want to stand out.
I feel uneasy if I'm in the center of attention, so I often choose to be quiet. But sometimes, this prevent me from doing a good thing.

Today, when I was on the bus, I saw a girl running so hardly to catch the bus. And because the bus started to move very slowly, It seemed that she might be able to catch. It was that close, but since she was running from behind the bus, the driver didn't noticed at all and started the bus. She couldn't ride it...

I regret so much just after that moment she missed. If I had only said a word, "Stop!," then she could ride it. Since when I was a child, I wasn't good at moving fast. I didn't like PE. I was so afraid to be smeared because of my miscalculated reaction.

But now, I have to correct this tendency. If I'm aware that I am right, then I should move as I thought at the moment it's needed. It would be much better feeling than just guarding myself.

Play a Villain

The person I don't do well or the person I hate could really be good text books for me.
I experience a lot of negative feelings, and will know that I'm not an angel, then learn how to do well with them.

They are playing villains in my stage, but no one other than I cast them as villains.
(I may be a villain on somebody's stage.)

In Anything

When I realized that the everything I recognize is only existing in my mind, I noticed there is no other way but love them all to live completely my life.
Every time when I think, "I don't like it," I can't possibly draw out my biggest power to the thing.
So, I'm trying to find the golden light in anything I see.

Time

Where did yesterday go?
It's no more exist on any part of this earth. It's no more than a memory of our mind.
The past doesn't exist, nor as the future. The present is the only one which we are in.

Learn from Myself

I sometimes learn from my posts after I wrote.
It's like self-learning. I learn a lot from outside world, but I also learn from my writings. My thoughts become very clear in the process of writing, and after that I can go farther deep of my mind.
It's fun.

Friend's Friend's Friend

Even though, I don't like some people, my friends would like them.
And even if my friends would hate some other people, my friends' friends may like the people.
We often don't want our friend to go well with the person we hate, but think in the opposite way. "Because my friend like him/her, I'm allowed to hate the person."
In this way, we can all be united.
Nobody would left behind.

A Hot Shower

I can take a hot shower whenever I want.
How happy is this.
Thanks civilization!!

From the Long-Suppressed Jealousy

I've been jealous for a certain person for over two years.

It started just after when I met her at the highest ESL class started in January, 2003. She was very smart and seemed to have no difficulties in the class. But I, who had nearly passed the lower course, struggled to keep up the class. (I failed that highest course in the end.)

I kept this intense jealousy very long, but I also tried to overcome this feeling. Very slowly, the jealous weakened as I get new views. I realized that there are infinitely many levels in human intelligence; there are many people who are much clever than her or much lower than me. And I also learned the effects of having a better person in front of my eyes.

One day, about the time I almost forget that jealous, I realized one thing. I realized that I had been jealous for just a phantasm which I had created in my mind.
Because I'd seen her and I'd talked her, I thought that was the person herself. But this image was just an illusion. I had created the image based on my limited memory.

So my strong jealousy played in big role in helping me understand how I create my own reality.
I guess I even have to thank for that jealous.

Track Down the Thoughts

People always think so many different things in one day.

Thinking is like a non-stopping current flowing in our mind. We are almost always thinking about something. However, often we don't recognize what we were thinking. May be we had a very bad through for few seconds, but in the next moment, another topic were raised in the current and forget what we thought just before. Thoughts are changing so rapidly that we usually don't remember all of its contents.

But what happens when we don't remind them and let those bad thoughts go?
If we don't correct those bad thoughts, then I'm sure, we don't mature at all. It's so difficult to track down thoughts every second, but we need to catch them anytime when we are awake.
It's because your thoughts is exactly the world you live in.

Sharp Words

Today, at the end of the English class, we wrote an paragraph.

Everyone except me finished his/her paragraph within an hour. I was struggling but still had few more sentences to finish. Fortunately, that paragraph was not that serious one, so the teacher said to me I can finish this at home and put it in a folder on the door of her office. So I left the classroom and wrote the last few sentences at a desk in the corridor, and in about five minutes, put it in the folder she mentioned. So it's no more a burden right now.

But I couldn't forget the words from my classmate.

When we left the room, I said to her only half seriously, "I always couldn't finish writing an essay within the given time." But she replied, "That's a problem. We'll have a final and we all have to finish exactly within the given hours."
Even though her face was smiling, her words were very sharp.

I was shocked for few seconds and was thinking like, "I wasn't said that seriously. She could've replied, 'Don't worry. You'll be a fast writer' or something like this," but then, realized how accurate the words were. I thought, "... But, her words are so true. I can't take back the exam essay at home and write."
So, I decided to take her words as a little kick from the Buddha (or someone great).

And so, from now on, to write fast, I set a timer and write these posts within 30 minutes or 60 minutes (if it become long).

The Light From the Sun

At the full moon night two days ago, I realized one thing about the moon's light.
The moonlight... is not the actual light of the moon; it's the light of the sun reflected. But the light we see at night is coming from the shining moon and so we usually forget about this fact.
How strong the sunlight's influence on earth is. Even at night, when there is no sun on the sky, it illuminates us by getting a help from the moon.

Pay Attention

The person in front of you seems exist in front of your eyes, but more exactly, he/she exists in front of your mind.
If you close your mind, then you don't see the person even if he/she actually talk to you.
This applies not only for people but also for every other things.
If you don't pay your attention, you don't see the thing.
We all look things which we have paid attention.

It's a Full Moon

It's a full moon today!
And just half an hour ago, I was looking the beautiful full moon on the eastern sky.
We had a cloudy sky in the morning, but those clouds disappeared in the afternoon and we had so clear sky by the time of the sunset.
Then now, it's the time for the full moon! It looked so big when it just appeared on the sky, but it seems that the moon appeared from the different place from the other time. I don't know well about the moon's path, so may be I should get some knowledge about this.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is just another day.
People always say Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
But this is just human's definition for the days.
So, tomorrow is just another day.

A Healthy Body

Now, the pain from the yesterday's wasp sting is completely gone, and so I've been enjoying the freeness of my right hand.
I paused to realize how precious my health was. I already appreciated to have a healthy body, but after the pain gone, I really thanked for being able to move my hand so freely.
My body moves according to my will, but it's not that natural. There may be other times when I get sick and can't move, and also, when I get older, my body starts to weaken and don't work properly.
I really have to be more thankful that I have a healthy body which moves so freely as I wish.

A Wasp Sting

This morning, I got stung by a wasp (or something very small insect).

I suddenly felt very strong sharp pain on my right-hand annular finger, when I just took out my bus pass from my backpack. It was like a small but very sharp needle pierced my finger. At first I thought I cut myself by the bus pass, but then I found that there was neither a cut nor blood at all on the painful part. Because the pain was so sharp and strong, I felt so weird and checked very closely the very part; then I found that there was a tiny red dot on the middle of the annular finger.

After I finished two classes in two and a half hours, I went to the university's medical center to check this pain. I still felt strong sharp pain, but still didn't have any idea about wasps. I thought I may be stung by unusually strong static electricity or something. But after I explained how I feel the pain and showed the tiny red dot (it was almost gone but he noticed... I guess) to the doctor, he said "It's really sounds like a wasp that stung you. It often happens because there are so many of them around here. But the pain should go in the end of the day, so don't worry. If you have still have the pain tomorrow, then come again."
I was surprised and relieved.
I was surprised for that a mere wasp can leave such a strong and long-lasting pain (In fact, I still have the pain, but it's already past midnight.), and relieved that this pain at least won't remain.

In the middle of our conversation, the doctor said, "Welcome to Canada!" So, I think this is also one of the interesting experience about living in here.

Many New Buds

Yesterday, just before I go to bed, I found new flower buds on my smaller African Violet.
The bigger African Violet often blooms since I bought, but I succeed to bloom the smaller one only once. And I that time, I actually hadn't seen them blooming because I was in Japan. I saw the small small buds just before I leave Canada and it bloomed at my friend's room. The smaller one has violet double flowers and they are also small (may be because of the pot's size... which is small).
I really really pleased when I found these buds this time, and it looks there are so many buds shooting one after the other.
I can't wait to see them blooming!

A Message

Today is my birthday.
And just now, I opened email and found that there was one email from my mom. She said, "Happy Birthday to you! Today is September 12th. - We can only support you from far away now, but thank you for coming into the world as our child."
I got some presents from a friend and was treated to lunch by another friend, but this email was the biggest present to me.
In the future, could I say "Thank you for coming into the world as our child." to my child when he/she grow up?
I certainly have to say it... because that phrase filled me completely. I was filled with so much joy that I couldn't stop crying.
I thanked to my parents and thanked to the email system that brought me this message.

The Others

Only four months ago, everyone else other than me were 'the others,' because we never shared the thinkings completely.
But now, everyone else is 'me,' becausee nobody but I figure out how the others think and feel. They are already inside of me.

Diverse Views

It's good to have many different view points.
I should have view points from any kind of people from any part of the world.
I should have the view of the people from yellow, white, black and red, the people of wealth and poor, and the people who beat others and the people who are beaten. There are so many kinds of people on this earth, and each person has its own thinking way. Even they can be categorized in some groups, you never find a pair who exactly thinks in the same way. There are so many views... So many... so many...
But these people, those diverse views are, in the end, in my thoughts.
Who imagine these?
Me.

Music on a Full Stomach

When I'm full, I like to lie on my sofa and listen music (usually with headphones).
How luxury that time is.

The Power of the Unconsciousness

How enormous our unconscious' power is.
We determine everything of this world by using this power.
From the time I wake up, I start to determine my world unconsciously. I determine how the sky look like, how the classes are, how the bus going, and how every other things works. These determinations work perfectly only during my conscious is awake.
That's why there is nothing when I'm sleeping. I even don't feel my existence while I'm in deep sleep.

To Be Free

Even in the busy times, I shouldn't forget to think that "What do I want to do tomorrow."
Today was not busy because it just started, and everyone isn't ready for school work. But even it becomes so busy, I should keep imagining that tomorrow as a 'unfettered' day that I decide to go to classes.

From Tomorrow

From tomorrow, we'll start winter classes, and I'm sure that I'll find lots of things that I have to do.
But it's interesting to find that how I forgot last year's toughness of the classes. So, it's what they really call, "Vows made in storms are forgotten in calms." right?
But today, I made one decision that I'll practice violin everyday. (...Now, it's totally out from the school because violin is my HOBBY.)

Centre of My Chest

Today, when I was waiting for a bus for twenty minutes, I mumbled one prayer to kill time.
But, when I did that, I felt so warm on one particular part, the centre of my chest.
That part wasn't exactly on my heart; it is little out of line to the right, and is exactly centre of my chest.
So, I guess that's where my soul really dwells.
I'm grad that I felt warm for that part.

My Mind

I think I still don't know how I'm really given and how I'm happy to live in this world.
I'm born as a human and given a free spirit.
I can think on my own.
My thinking or my mind is all that I am.

Endless Way

When we think ourselves improved, we feel great joy.
Recently, I often feel this joy, but then I also feel my goal isn't close at all.
When I achieved something, I've already found another goal, so it's the endless journey.
Sometimes, it's tired, but it's the endless joy too.

One Thing - Two sides

Every single thing has two sides.
Good side and bad side.
Only looking good side isn't enough.
Only looking bad side is depressing.
So look the both sides. Think about it from both ways.
Then you'll understand what truly it means.

To Somebody

Yesterday, when I was checking email or something, I suddenly overwhelmed by very warm feeling. It's like as if I was sent a prayer from someone who is close to me. Of course it is only my imagination, or could it be true? Anyhow, I felt good, so I prayed back to the 'somebody,' "I wish you to be happy as well as I felt."
(You may think I'm insane, but well, praying for happiness is not as bad as wishing for curse.)